It had been a long night and I knew right away, “I need coffee.”
For some reason as the thought of coffee in the morning passed through my mind, so did something else.
I feel as though since I have had children I have forgotten who I am as a woman, what defines me. Everything I do anymore is revolved around my children. When a woman becomes a mother she blossoms and something in her wakes up, perhaps it is her soul! But I feel, personally speaking, as if my soul awoke but my depth and perception of who I am has died with it.
When I go shopping I always put the needs of my children first. Given the choice I would quickly and willingly buy my children a new toy or outfit before I bought myself something nice. My bed is no longer my own but is now shared with my 2-year-old come 4am (and my hubby of course!). And where freedom used to be mine (ask anyone who knows me…I moved around A LOT from place to place and province to province) it is now all about being stable so my children can have a foundation in life and plant their roots somewhere they can call “home”.
I don’t mind, in fact, I love my job title as a mother. But I don’t necessarily need to be defined by it. I am still a woman, I am still Tanya. I love early morning coffee’s as much as I love afternoon coffee with a friend. I love writing. I love shopping and finding great deals. I love traveling and just driving around. I love a good movie snuggled on the couch with a blanket and a glass of wine…….I LOVE my wine! I am not much of an extrovert but I do open up from time to time. And if given the chance to be anyone else on Earth I’d want to aspire to be more like (don’t laugh..) Kate Hudson and Goldie Hawn simply for the joy and the smiles they always seem to illuminate.
I am more than a mother, I am a woman. And one day, slowly, I will get my wings back.