This is a subject that has been by my side for quite some time now, so I start this blog entry with asking that you all hear me out and not judge. I am in no way implying that I am not in love with my man anymore, this is simply a theory I have about divorce, cheating, and how two people who were once so madly in love just fall out of love.
The other day on the radio I actually heard on the news that this 94-year-old man is getting a divorce from his wife of over 50 years because he found some really old letters from a long time ago from and to someone she had a thing with/towards. Not sure the whole story but I found it intriguing.
Here’s what I believe, and my opinion may change over the years and maybe it means nothing and maybe I am wrong, but it’s what I believe now.
When two people fall in love there’s this passion and mystery and desire they feel for one another. There is a lot they don’t know about each other yet and it’s challenging and fun to learn. But over the years, and especially when the decision has been made to live together, that passion gets different. All of a sudden you both know each other better than anyone knows you both. You see one another’s flaws and you’re with each other almost everyday. Just like any friendship or family friendship, everyone needs space. But in a marriage or common law partnership its hard to come by. You guys share the same house or apartment, usually share the same car, have kids together eventually (sometimes), eat the same food, go to bed at the same time. And then as more time goes by it feels like life has become all about the bills, the kids, the house, the responsibilities. It doesn’t seem like there is any room for fun and maybe that’s because the two people feel like nothing can be fun anymore with everything else going on.
I do not agree with cheating on your partner and I think divorce is a hard thing to go through. But I can understand why people do what they do. People cheat for excitement, for re-kindled passion, for fun. But when they get caught they are usually regretful.
It’s important, so important, that when you are in a relationship with someone you both get your space, you both COMPLIMENT one another as often, be romantic always, tell each other WHY you love the other person and not just that you love them, be SURPRISING and RANDOM all the time (even after 20 years!), never see sex as a chore but rather as PLAYTIME like a child loves to play at the park or get dirty in a sandbox 🙂 , be CREATIVE, spontaneous, crazy, lovable, ALWAYS remember to LAUGH, when you fight try to make up as soon as possible (make up sex anyone?), and most importantly keep the FRIENDSHIP between the two of you STRONG.
When two people fall in love they are fools because they think they understand love at the beginning of the relationship, but real love cannot be understood until much later. Until you’ve seen the best and the worst of each other but are still going strong.
My partner and I have been together almost four years now. It’s not a long time but it’s long enough. I was with him when he was coming off drugs and he was with me during all the shit I endured while pregnant. We’ve been through a miscarriage, moving to different provinces, buying a house, having two kids, etc. I can honestly say that sometimes that crazy spontaneous romance feels like it’s dead. Sometimes having sex has to be scheduled. Sometimes date night has to be something we plan twice a year and well in advance. It’s far from perfect or passionate. But at the same time when he comes home with a bottle of wine or chocolates (my two favorite things next to my two boys lol) for me, it’s like we fall in love all over again.
Marriage/partnership, its very hard! It’s never perfect and it takes a hell of a lot of work. If you’re ever feeling like you need to cheat, look inside yourself and ask what it is you feel you are lacking from the partner you already have. If it’s something they are unwilling to change or promise to change but never do, then maybe it’s time to have a talk…take some time apart to work on yourselves. Some relationships are just not meant to be, I can agree with that %100. Some people fall in love and then both of them change and you can’t always expect that you’ll both be the same people who fell in love years ago. Life changes and people change. Love is hard to conquer.
So all this to say, I get why people have mixed feelings and I do understand where cheating comes from, but it doesn’t have to ever get there. Like I said above, to keep a fire burning you must continue to feed it. It’s the same with love, it doesn’t just burn forever on it’s own. So tonight take your partner and rekindle the flames, fall in love again, try something new. And from now on keep it fresh and active, alive and well. Never let your fire die if it doesn’t have to!