Understanding The Role of Stay At Home Mom

First of all before I begin I’d just like to say that this is in no way a pity trip for us stay at home moms. Most of us have chosen to stay home with the kids instead of going back to work (and many times wondered, “What the hell did I get myself into??”).

This blog post is about the stay at home mom and her role at home. I know there are many confused men and women out there who may think we kick up our feet and watch TV all day while the kids play quietly in their room(s). So let me give a brief description on behalf of myself and all stay at home mothers.

Mornings: kids love them and so they wake up bright and early (unless you have such luck like my sister does and your kids sleep in). For a mom, there is no sleeping in. We gave up that right a long time ago. So mornings are hectic to say the least. Whether you have babies or kids in school or both, mornings are the chapter 1 of the rest of the day so if you f*** up the morning then you’ve pretty well kissed your whole day goodbye. Basically why coffee comes in real handy!

Afternoons: Mostly revolve around getting things done around the house. The laundry (and there’s lots of it), the dishes (more than once a day, believe me), the sweeping and mopping (can never sweep those damn floors enough!), picking up after the kids (again, a job that is never complete), cooking meals, etc. And somewhere in between all this we get lucky if the kids or kid sleeps and we can sit back for a few minutes and drink a coffee and blog or check facebook or maybe even have a nap ourselves (which really only happens when we’re deadly tired, otherwise we feel pretty guilty for doing it, like we’re banned from sleep all together).

Evening: the other part of the day that gets hectic. The kids (or kid) have become insanely crazy and are bouncing off walls and couches (and deep down we’re hoping one of them falls so they’ll be calm for a bit). Meanwhile we are trying to tidy up once again and get supper going before the spouse gets home from work. And hear me out, I think I speak for MOST women when I say that we do respect and admire that our spouses are wiling to go to work everyday so that we can stay home with our kids. There isn’t an inch of us that thinks you guys have it easy, we know you work hard and we respect it.

By late evening/early night: We are exhausted. Not because the job is overwhelming and hard but because it mentally drains us. What I didn’t mention before, because it doesn’t happen everyday but it does happen, are things like when our children come down with fevers, when they hurt themselves badly, when they wake up 2-5 times in the middle of the night and interrupt our dreams of Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel (kidding), the diaper changes (my garbage bins would be a lot less full if it weren’t for diapers), an the potty training. Being a parent in general takes a lot of persistence and a hell of a lot of patience. We can’t EVER call in sick of quit. Once a parent, always a parent.

So it’s not that we like to nag and bitch as soon as someone walks through our door but the fact is, besides facebook, we don’t see people everyday. Phone calls to friends are really hard to come by because we have to wait until our kids are calm which rarely happens with children!

And I think the HARDEST (I speak for all stay at home moms here, I promise) part of it all is that we’re expected, by ourselves and by many, to hold it together. Not that we’ll be frowned upon if we cry or lose it, but we’re suppose to be supermoms even though everyone knows it’s just not possible.

If I could count the times I have said to myself, “I wish I was a perfect mom” or “This mom thing was sooo not cut out for me” or “Life would be so much easier without these kids!” you’d be surprised. I don’t in any way want to lose my kids, I love them more than myself (which is a whole other topic I could write about and will now that I think about it), but it isn’t an easy job. When we say it is 24/7, we mean it. It’s not that we want pity, we just all want a break every once in awhile. Or a bottle of wine everyday 🙂

Like I said, it’s not me coming out here on a blog bitching about how bad I, or other women, have it. It’s me coming out and saying, just try and understand that this is why we may seem like bitches or naggers…we are surrounded by kids all day long and no other human contact…it gets hard. That’s all I am saying.

On another note…I do understand that maybe some of us may come across as unthoughtful or ungrateful towards our spouses that work. And I’ll be the first to admit that some days I don’t care how hard my boyfriend worked, all I care about is that I had to clean up shit all day long and listen to the other one scream. But I am grateful that I have the chance to stay at home with the loves of my life and watch them grow up and teach them things. And ya know, last night while Mike and Ryver and I were lying in bed trying to sleep, Ryver pushed Mike away so he could snuggle with me. I laughed. Maybe it’s not funny but when those moments occur it just makes a mom feel like, God damn, I am doing my job right!

~Tanya~

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