I Love You, But…

So you’ve fallen in love with someone and they are your forever love. Your soul mate. Your love at first site. Now the journey as a couple begins. Wedding plans, moving in together, getting a house, and building a life together. It seems so perfect…at first. Then the inevitable happens, or should I say reality happens?


So you’ve been living together for awhile when you start to notice things like how he leaves his dirty clothes next to the laundry basket or how he doesn’t change the toilet paper roll or how he doesn’t re-fill the ice tray in the freezer but rather leaves one ice cube in it so that you use the last one and have to re-fill it.

And her…oh my god, the shit she does! She starts getting naggy, tells you when the garbage has to be out or how she hates that you can’t put your dirty laundry in the basket and does she have to tell you a thousand times? And then there’s the gossip which you could care less about and she seems to only want to talk when you’re ready to relax or watch a game or sleep. And does she ever stop cleaning/decorating the house? What’s wrong with a few dishes piling up and the laundry not being done everyday?

Truth of the matter is, not in a million years would we treat our friends the way we treat our better half. You never hear friends going on about hoe their buddies got mad at them because of their dirty socks or an empty ice cube tray. Friends accept the shit they don’t like about one another and they move on. Sure, they might gossip and whisper behind our backs about it, but they leave well enough alone.

So why is it that when we meet the love of our life there is so much (over time) that we can’t stand about them?

Well, first off, this is the one person who will know all your ins and outs. You guys live together and apart from work (well, some people even work together but…) you guys go home at the end of the day and spend any extra time together. You share a house (or an apartment), you share secrets, you share a bathroom, you share a bed, you share stories, you share food, you share interests even when you don’t want to. Everything becomes one and suddenly it’s not cute anymore. Suddenly its annoying as hell and you find yourself needing space. And it’s not because of lack of love, it’s just remembering back when you were an individual who made your own choices, made your own money and spent it the way you wanted, when you had the bed to yourself, when you never had to clean up after another adult, when your interests were all that mattered. And suddenly you miss it and you crave it! Until you get it back for even one day and you realize, you miss your best friend.

What I am trying to imply is that it’s perfectly normal to have love/hate feelings towards your partner as time goes on. You watch romance movies and the two people seem so in love and you are lead to believe that’s what it is suppose to be like and yet it’s not like that at all.

I’ve always had a theory, so I ask that you hear me out (and maybe up for a challenge if you are braver than me).

It doesn’t matter if it’s family or friends, we will all have moments where we can’t stand certain aspects in the people who are in our lives. Point blank, don’t argue, that’s the way it is! But what if with our spouses we just tried to Accept. Because when you really think about it that’s what is lacking in most relationships, friendships, and familyships (It’s a word, don’t argue!). What if we put our differences aside and accepted all the shit we hate about one another? I think we’d find that our relationships with those we love would get stronger.


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