Pretty well the whole time I was a teenager I was also a Christian. I went to Church, Bible studies, youth groups, evening services, Christian camps, and was even part of a Christian Youth for Christ musical theatre to “spread the message.”
There was not one person who could have convinced me that I had it all wrong, and many tried. I was set in my ways, believed what the bible taught , and therefore pretty close-minded.
When I prayed I either started with, “Dear Lord” or “Father..”. I pictured God as a father (like I was taught) but I also believed what I read about Him in the bible.
Years later, here I am. I don’t proclaim to be a Christian or follow any religion. However, I do still want to believe there is a God. And sometimes I still pray. But I am much more open minded…..and now I am also a parent.
See, when I think of my kids, see my kids, hold my kids…there is NOTHING more important to me! If my kids landed themselves in jail for a terrible crime, I’d want them to be punished but I certainly would not condemn them to a place like hell for eternity! And if my kids walked away from me and I never heard from them again, you bet your ass I would still love them and I’d be waiting for them if they decided to return. Because am their mother! I have a hard time believing that God is a father to us all and yet He his attitude is, “If you don’t believe in me and accept me, unfortunately you are going to hell!”
The other thing I have a hard time with is Judgement Day. We spend our whole lives being judged by others. We get judged for things we do and judged for things we don’t do. If we’re like Mother Teresa, we’re judged for being “too good”. But if we’re like Charles Manson….well you know how he’s judged. We are judged for what we wear, where we work, who we marry, how our kids behave, what car we drive, how rich/poor we are, etc. So to believe that someday God is going to judge me too, well if that’s true I still refuse to believe it. Yes, people should do good in their lives, but we’re all gonna mess up one way or another. My sins being banished if I accept Christ because he died for me…….that’s just not fair. That’s me telling people, “hey, your fuck ups are going to matter, but mine won’t because Jesus died for my sins and I accepted him! And every time I fuck up again, I just ask for forgiveness, so one way or another I am going to Heaven but you are going to hell…have fun!” Even to tell people they will go to hell “IF”….that’s the worst kind of judgement. Does God the Father really give anyone permission to be that cruel?
Look, I said I believe in God, and I do. I just don’t believe in the God the bible teaches us about. I also don’t believe in ONE God. Because you can’t have a world created by ONE God, a world that has many different Countries and Cultures who believe in their own God…all different from one another….and say that YOUR God is the only one that’s real, the only one that counts. Nuh uh!!!! Does not work that way my friend, but that is just my opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own, and that is mine. 🙂