Come Out Of The Closet Already!

Are you a mom? Good, then I am talking about you! No disrespect. I have a lot of well kept secrets as well. I have to, we all have to. Simply because if we were to all share our darkest moments as mothers, all the “perfect” moms out there would be on our asses so fast! So since we can’t share how scary it is to be a mom sometimes, we do the exact opposite and pretend it’s a piece of pie! (I’d say cake but I like pie better).

I never realized how lonely it could feel being a stay at home mom (or just being a mom) when there are so many other moms out there. You would think we’d all have formed a giant clan by now! But the problem is that we’re all a bunch of judgmental bitches who think our kids are better than anyone else’s. “My kid would NEVER do that!” Oh of course not!

So instead of coming together like they did back in the 50’s and supporting each other, we all have decided to work against each other. And I think it has less to do with how our kids are and more to do with how we feel about ourselves. I mean, if my kids misbehave at home, I deal with it. But if they misbehave in public, especially around other moms, I deal with it differently! It’s not because they are doing anything different but because now I am being judged by all the mothers…it’s my parenting that is being judged. And that’s just as bad as your boss telling you that you suck at what you do and you’re on the bottom of the lowest level of his favorite’s list.

We strive to work hard. We are proud of our achievements. We aim high. That’s all well and fair but I think reaching for the stars has gone too far. There are simply some things in life that cannot be done perfectly. Parenting is one of them, and I will tell you why. Because every kid is different and has his/her own needs. I might have one hyperactive kid and one extremely shy kid. And for that reason I must do some things differently with raising them both. Parenting is not a one size fits all. And there are so many flaws in parenting, you just can’t avoid every bump in the road.

I say all this because last week (I think, could have been the week before, who knows! You’re memory will be one of the many things you lose as a parent!) I was on my way to the ER with my eldest because his ear started bleeding after I cleaned it with a Q-tip. Now, before all you “perfect” moms judge me for using a q-tip…I know they are not MEANT to go in the ear, just to clear that up. And I know I am also not the only mother who’s ever used Q-tips. Anyways…I started crying cause I really felt like a shitty mom. I knew that if others mothers were there with me they’d be consoling me (While secretly thinking, “I never would have made this mistake”). But I really felt like a failure.

I love my kids, I do. I am with them everyday…all day pretty much. I wake up with them at night. I feed them, bathe them, buy them toys. When they cry I comfort them. I dance with them and I laugh with them. But I’m not a perfect mom (I’m a Virgo so saying this is hard for me!). I wish I was. I wish I could do everything right all the time. But I don’t. And let’s face it ladies, sometimes I hide in the laundry room from my kids. Sometimes I buy ice cream and eat it when they aren’t looking because I don’t want to share. Sometimes when I wake up at 3am and nearly have to pry my eyes open with a wrench, I swear. And sometimes I wish I could punch the wall, if I had the energy of course. Sometimes my 2-year-old and 1-year-old manage to piss me off more than Simon Cowell could. And correct me if I am wrong, but wiping shit off my washer and dryer after my kids have decided to spread it everywhere like artwork was never part of my long term life goals or dreams.

I think it’s crucial that as mom’s we take the load off and stop judging each other. I have never had such a mentally/physically straining job as motherhood. It’s challenging. And it’s even more challenging when you feel like you’re alone. Like you can’t share how hard it is because if you do then you could be judged, badly. And thanks to so many idiots out there who make false accusations and call social services for every little thing, we feel like not only are we just alone but we’re scared. We put on a front. We hide all our feelings and fears in a closet and when no one is looking, we lose it. We breakdown. We cry. We scream. And I think it’s time we let go of this craziness and step out of the closet and admit that, hell yeah, it’s hard and we’re not perfect and our kids are not perfect. That’s parenthood. That’s reality.

Now, if you’ll excuse me…I have a bottle of wine hiding in the washing machine… (KIDDING! But a girl can dream!)

~Tanya~

 

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2 Responses to Come Out Of The Closet Already!

  1. Debby Peetam says:

    Oh man, I so agree! When I take my fearless, hyperactive little boy to the park where all the other mommies and kids are and they are sitting in the grass, all relaxed while letting their kids roam free, who don’t leave their mom more than 5-10 feet anyway, I am the type of mom that runs like a headless, breathless chicken after her son. I have been told ‘not to worry’ because eventually I will learn to cut the invisible umbilical cord…GRR.. but little do they know that my son DOES NOT FEAR anything (but smiley faced helium balloons :-S) If there would be crocodiles in Canada, he would pet and ride them. He does not know how to fly, but he will sure give it a go anytime of the day and as soon as it has stumps; he will climb it. He LOVES talking to people and holding their hands and loves LOVES cars, especially moving ones, he in intrigued with things that roll or shine; coins, door knobs, knifes. I don’t give a rats ass I cant relax in the grass with the other moms, but I do care about the safety and ‘sense of freedom’ of my son, I also know him very well and learned the hard way how to balance those two. Like you, I learned most of that by myself, alone most of the time.

    Mommies ‘judge’, but I think a lot of it comes from insecurity, pride and defensiveness regarding their own parenting and even more do I think that those ‘judgements’ are only perceived as judgements by insecure mommies, like me. Hayden has a nasty bruise right now on the side of his had after a fall. It creeps me out to admit that it looks like a bullet wound. And the lady in the supermarket that laughed and cooed at Hayden until he turned his head, must have thought the same as she looked up in shock and mumbled something uncomfortable polite and walked away. Yup ma’am I let that happen to him! I suck! Haydens doctor told me how impressed she was with his nutrition. That shit made me proud as a monkey with two dicks! And I’ll tell anyone who wants to hear how proud I am and what ever it is I seem to do right! She also told me Hayden is behind on his words, that crushed me. Where did fail?! Should I read and talk more to him, do I give him less attention than other mommies do? Should I delete that last sentence and pretend I am not that insecure?

    So if there’s going to be a clan of imperfect moms and you are the first one in it, I’d love to be the second! Bring on the wine!

    • Oh you always make me laugh Debby! I’m glad you agree. And yes, Ryver is exactly like Hayden. He ran into the road last time I brought him to the park…scared the hell out of me. I dropped (really…dropped from like 1-2 feet) Lewis on the grass to get to Ryver on time and there was another mom there with her great child whi went and picked up Lewis to comfort him. Although I was grateful, it also made me sad. Sometimes it sucks seeing other mommies and their “perfect” or well behaved kids. I’m happy for them, of course, but it’s hard!

      And I agree as well as to why mom’s can be judgmental and condescending. I really do think its a personal thing, they are insecure and scared as well so they take it out on others.

      Debby….I think we need to create a group!

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