Where In The Hell Did She Go??

One thing about becoming a mom is that you start to lose yourself as a woman. You go from being an interesting woman with lots of friends to being…a mom…with other mom friends. Your conversations go from bra sizes to babies. Your cocktail parties transition to kids birthday parties. You go from buying new clothes all the time to having to sell all your clothes so you can buy diapers. And when you get together with all your other mom friends for a break, you still wind up all talking about your own kids. So in the process you kinda lose yourself.

I am different now than I was many years ago, I’ll be honest. I love my kids! They make me smile, they give me some great stories to tell (my two-year-old recently flushed my keys down the toilet…I’m sure in 20 years I’ll be grateful for such a story to share!). But I feel as tho the woman in me that used to be there isn’t there anymore. There are so many things I am limited to now, my freedom being one of them!

But it’s not so much my freedom I miss as much as the woman inside. Years ago I hit a peek in my life where I was so confident and radiant and felt like I could conquer the world! Now I have trouble conquering and getting through just one day. And most days I stay in my cozy pants because between the peanut buttery hands and the dog hair and the *sometimes* poopy messes that happen in this house…I feel like there’s no point in putting on my good pants and risking stains.

When I went back to work while pregnant with my second child I was so worried and dreaded going back. But much to my surprise I found that I loved being out of the house, socializing with others and … wait for it…. using my brain! It was simulating.

Thing is…being a mom takes so much out of you that it’s easy to lose yourself in the process. Between changing diapers, doing laundry, giving baths, nap time, snack time, and trying to keep the kids out of trouble…there just doesn’t seem to be any time for yourself anymore. In a normal job you go home at the end of the day. And if you hate your job you can quit and find a new one that fits you better. But you can’t do that as a mom. It’s a 24/7 kinda deal and what you get is what you get.

I’m not quite sure how to end this, simply because I have no answers. I myself don’t know how to get past this. I don’t know how to go from being a woman to a mom to all of a sudden being woman AND mom all at once. It’s so hard. It’s a battle, a struggle! I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was. All moms know it but we don’t all share it because your suppose to be proud when you are a mom. You are suppose to have it all figured out and know what your doing. But it doesn’t usually work that way. Most moms are lost…out of our minds. We missed our turn about 20 blocks back and we have no clue where were going, we just know we can’t stop!

Don’t let us fool you! We are still women, not just moms. We still need to hear that we’re beautiful. We still need to get out and socialize. We DO enjoy going an hour or two without talking about poopy diapers. We’re still human even if the lack of sleep has made us look like zombies! 😉

~Tanya~

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