Individuality

There is a strange habit that takes place when two people go from being single to being in a relationship. It’s a type of step-by-step pattern we all kind of follow. We go from being single with our own freedom and making our own choices to dating or getting married and then…

Everything is shared but the toothbrush…and even then, sometimes….

I think that when two people first get together they should spend extra time together getting to know one another. But I also think that if we let this become a habit it can ruin the relationship. We start sharing each others interests, friends, families, accommodation, cars…eventually we take a step back and realize that everything that once made us an individual has now been thrown out the window.

When you fall in love with someone and decide to spend your life with them it’s suppose to be more of a, “I have found a best friend who will be by my side on this journey forever.” more than a. “We are about to spend every waking moment together, share bank accounts, secrets, and our entire lives…together.” It’s dangerous.

The day you start feeling like someone stole your individuality is the day you start resenting that person. Now, things do change, obviously. And adjustments do need to be made. But there is never a good reason why two people in love shouldn’t have, what’s the word, separation? Have some of their own money, some of their own friends, some of their own time out alone. It gives the two of you time to yourselves as well as time to appreciate each other and miss each other.

Yes, it’s hard when you both work, sometimes different shifts, and you barely have a couple evenings together a week. But you have to remember those who were in your life before you met your significant other. The ones who you most likely ditched when you were no longer single anymore. You have to choose the friends and family that mean the world to you and make time for them too. And you have to make time for YOU. Go out and see a movie by yourself or with a friend. Sit on a patio at a restaurant and sip a long island iced tea while reading a good magazine. Just take that time and be an individual.

I honestly think that when two people become joined at the ass and have a hard time leaving each other for a few hours, it becomes almost too easy to leave each other for good in the future. When two people live together, share accounts, know each others online passwords, sometimes even work together, have kids together…soon enough all you can hear is the words, “Joint” and “Together”. So lose the separation anxiety, give each other some space, and you may be surprised to find that the person you used to be never really left…your still there…you’re just in hiding! And you may be very surprised at how much it helps the relationship instead of burdening it.

Just something to chew on with your next cup of java 🙂

~Tanya~

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