I Bully Myself….

So last night I wrote a blog post about me. About how I feel towards my parenting skills (or lack thereof!) I feel as though I need to share more about me because I’m kind of a quiet soul until I get to writing. (Hence the reason I have so many Journals from my past!)

The other day someone was talking about bullying and bullies on TV and I have a very strong opinion about bullying because I think it disguises itself really well.

See, I have never been bullied or been called names or felt what it was like to be alone because I always had friends and family who cared a lot about me. But in my mind I convinced myself at a very young age that I wasn’t worth much. I bullied my own self in my mind and over the years it’s damaged me in the sense that I feel as though I always have to prove myself. I over-think things all the time. I especially underestimate myself and my abilities. Even when people tell me I am good at something, I convince myself that I’m not and that they are simply being kind.

But I’m not writing this alone. I am writing this and sharing this because I know in a way we’re all like this, no? If we weren’t then we’d all pursue our dreams until they came true. We wouldn’t be afraid of what others think. We’d all be pretty powerful people. But there is that little voice inside our minds (a lot of us, maybe not everyone) that tells us we’re not good enough. So we just never try. I speak for myself as well.

I’ve never been bullied so I can’t speak for anyone that has been. But I can tell you this, that bullying yourself in your own mind is just as bad, if not worse. The voice in your own mind can be so powerful and it follows you around your whole life. Some people find comfort in taking it out on others to hide what they are actually feeling (not that it’s right at all!), some people turn to addictions such as drinking, smoking, or eating, some people choose to shy away and hide so no one can get to them. Whatever the case, we all have our own way of dealing with that bully in our heads.

Personally, I feel as though they only way to overcome it is to speak over it. Stupid things like, when I am working out and I am half done and I feel like I can’t do anymore…I have to tell myself  I CAN. Or when I start a new project, I always have to remind myself that I can’t be my own critic. I mean, if the Twilight series had come out in a time where vampires was a joke, it never would have made it past the manuscript.

So, friends, the only advice I can give you is that we all have the power within ourselves to change and to make change. We all have the power to speak over those voices that constantly put us down. We can say “no” from time to time. And…last but not least…you’re nobody’s little bitch. So keep up the positive thoughts! You never know where it may lead you.

~Tanya~

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2 Responses to I Bully Myself….

  1. Tim says:

    Hey Tanya. I am constantly telling my kids that I don’t expect them to be perfect. To err is human. It’s taken me years, but I finally realized that if I don’t expect my kids to be perfect, I have to cut myself some slack as well. I am not perfect and I will make mistakes, too. If it’s any consolation, it gets easier as they get older. There are always issues and problems, but at least when they are older you can talk to them logically.

    • That is very true! Thank you for commenting Tim. I think I tend to be a little hard on myself sometimes, as most parents can be. I just gotta remember to breath. There’s no manual for raising kids perfectly!

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