So I have been rather quiet lately on this blog. I tried to write something the other day and my mind just went blank and I thought, “Wow, dense!” I seriously could not think of a single thing, not even a sentence, to put together for you guys! As I pondered I then realized that most of my blogs are motivational and for once I just want to share a piece of me, of my life.
So what’s been going on with Tanya?
Well, the other day I invited someone over for coffee and he asked to use the washroom. To my dismay, he wound up taking a shit and spreading it all over my walls. Asshole, right? Then he proceeded to take crayons and color on my walls (the ones not covered in sh!t)…asshole, right? It’s not true though, cause if it was I’d probably lose it.
See, my kids, well all kids, get away with a lot more than anyone could. And as parents we put up with it because that’s what kids do. No one shares with you how hard it’s going to be and you start to lose it after awhile because you feel like every other parent has it under control and you don’t.
Lately I have been questioning my parenting skills. It’s hard not to since I am at home with my kids 24/7. Sometimes after saying no the 75th time in a row you just feel like you’re ready to pull your hair out! Then you watch Ellen and you see these celebrity parents who seem to have it together and talk all googly about their fantastic kids and you feel like…where the hell did I go wrong?
Well, no one wants to share the bad stories unless they are funny. Parents don’t want to admit that they lose control and that their children sometimes take the wheel. And sometimes we don’t care. There’s been times I look over at my 2.5 year old son whose got my laptop on his lap playing with it and on the back on my mind I think, “That’s so expensive, I hope he doesn’t break it!” but on the other hand I think, “Aw…..he’s quiet! Don’t disturb him!”
I’ll be the first to admit that I do think I suck at this parenting thing. It’s not at all the same as having a job. It’s so different. There are days I wonder where I went wrong. I mean, my kids are great and I love them both to death (what parent doesn’t?) but sometimes I wonder, is there really a ‘right’ way to raise a child? I doubt it. I think even when we’re not doing the best we can do, we’re just doing what we can. There are days I feel more in control of the situation and there are days where I am so sleep deprived that my toddler and infant could hit me over the head with a bat and I wouldn’t notice.
When I was pregnant I had imagined these kids that would be so well-behaved, so calm, that parenthood would be a breeze. Believe me, babies are cute and they sleep most of the day but parents don’t share all the crazy shit that happens once those kids start getting older. They share stories but everyone laughs and you think, “Sounds fun!”………… so they said.
I don’t have anything more interesting to write about. I watch a lot of TV (sometimes takes me about 8 hours to watch a 2 hour show because I constantly have to pause and check on the kids) but if I wrote about that you’d be soooooooooo booooooored!
I just want to give a shout out to ALL parents. To say that you’re not the only ones who think your kids are crazy. You’re not the only ones who, from time to time, think parenting maybe wasn’t meant for you. I think it’s normal, i think we all need a hell of a lot more sleep, I think we’re all in this together but no one wants to admit that they feel like a failure as a parent. I do, sometimes. But tonight as I was crying over it, my amazing boyfriend came to comfort me and he looked at our two year old son and asked, “Do you love mommy?” to which he replied with a big smile, “Yeeesss!” So, maybe I don’t have it all figured out and maybe I NEVER will (of course I never will…lol…no one ever does)…but all that matters is that my kids love me, so I must be doing something right.
Good night all you sleep deprived parents!