Raising Sheep and Feeding The Wolves…

The other day Ryver was doing something (I can’t keep track anymore) and to get him to stop I said, “Honey, stop and mommy will give you a cookie.”

It was a lie, of course it was! Why the hell would I give him a cookie when he should simply just listen to what I am saying and obey it in the first place?

Then I thought about ALL the times I have lied to my kids and all the lies we, as parents, tell our kids to begin with. That got me to thinking about later in their lives when we push THEM to be honest with US.

I started laughing and then this whole crazy scenario started in my head about how we truly are raising our kids crazily wrong. Sadly, there is no manual for raising them right. But thankfully I am here to explain 🙂 … (Cause I am such a Pro at parenting! lol lmao lmfao rofl…)

We teach our kids not to lie. That’s one of the most common things all parents try to teach their kids. We want them to be up front and honest about everything, at least with us. And when they lie we punish them. But from the very start of their lives they watch and learn the lying technique from us, their parents. We lie about Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, etc (hope there’s no young kids reading this right now…oopsie, Tanya spilled the beans!) and that’s only a few things we lie to them about. So they learn from us.
Call me a crazy woman (don’t though, I’ll kick your ass) but I believe that we should be teaching our kids that lying is actually a good thing…sometimes. If a friend gets an ugly haircut and feels terrible about it, just lie and tell them they look great..cheer em up! If someone robs your house and asks if you have anything valuable hidden, lie! There are times in life that lying isn’t that bad. But if we make it seem bad to them and tell our kids they can’t do it, what do you think they are going to do? Of course they are going to lie. So I think it’s important to teach them there is a time and a place for it and if you CAN be honest and your gut tells you to be honest, then be honest. There are good lies and bad lies.

Secondly, bullying is another huge problem and I know some may disagree with me here because I see it two ways. When our children are victims of bullying, we tell them to go to an adult about it, which rarely happens because the bully tends to intimidate the victim into not doing it. “Tell anyone about this and I’ll come find you!” Eventually our children learn to take the bullying and hide it and they grow up in fear and grow up insecure and broken. I think we should teach our kids to throw a punch back 😉 Okay, that’s one theory..maybe not the greatest lesson but you gotta admit it would save them a hell of a lot of emotional trauma for years to come!
The other option is to teach our kids how they can stand their ground and maybe intimidate the bully a little. No one should have to be bullied but it’s gonna happen. So it’s important to say, “Hey kid, if you’re too scared to see an adult about this, then you gotta learn to stand up and speak up.”

We teach our kids not to play with knives, to stay away from fires, not to touch the stove when hot, not to run with sharp things in their hands. But it’s often hard to find the time to explain why we are telling them not to do these things.

Here’s the dilemma, we all want our kids to grow up being honest, respectful, delightful people, strong people. We want people to tell us how wonderful they are so we can feel like we did a great job raising them. But we raise them to be super innocent and then we throw them out into the world when they are older and everything we taught them not to do, the whole world is doing. Presidents, Vice presidents, police officers, government officials, etc. People in power, people they trust, people they look up to are all doing what we told them is wrong. So we, in essence, raise them as sheep and then feed them to the wolves.

There is no “Right” way to raise a child. Every kid is different and every parent has different values. No one is going to get it right all the time. But if you want your kid to survive in this world, you gotta teach them not just the “No’s” and “Yes’s”, “Rights” and “Wrongs”…you gotta teach them why, when, who, what, and where. They deserve to know details. They need to know them. They will one day question why you lied about Santa and they can’t lie about stealing. So teach them the difference between the two, make them understand it the way you do. Kids may have us fooled, but they can be a hell of a lot smarter than we take them for!

~Tanya~

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