Love, Marriage, and My One Day ‘Fredding’…

CR-706509Lately I have been on a HUGE wedding fever binge, re-posting things from Pinterest almost everyday. There are so many great ideas to choose from, but I do have a picture painted in my mind of what my “one day” Day will be like.

However, when I brought this up to my man it caused a bit of conflict because he & I have different views on this whole ‘making it official’ thing.

You see, I don’t believe that in order to get married you really have to sign the damn piece of paper or hire an officiant. Of course, many people disagree with me and think that there really is no point in having a wedding unless you make it official on paper. But I disagree.

I am calling my ‘someday wedding’ a Fredding because in the eyes of others it is a fake wedding. I’ll explain…

I don’t plan on hiring an officiant (unless this is what would make my man happy in the end), nor will I say the traditional vows. I will not promise “forever” to a guy because quite honestly forever isn’t mine to give. I mean, even if I were to say, “for the rest of my life”, that wouldn’t be fair. Let me ask you this, how many times in your life have you used that word and not followed through due to life circumstances? “We’re going to be Best Friends forever!” Have you ever told someone this, maybe in your childhood? Then years go by and you both move on, get new friends, and are simply memories to one another? It is not to say that your memories were bad…in fact they were probably great. But the friendship did not last forever.

You see, in our minds Forever is a beautiful picture we paint. It would be great if some things last forever, but they don’t. Forever is a word that means there is no end. But as we all know, each of our lives does eventually come to an end. So forever is a hard word to say.

So what about promising “til death”? Well, believe it or not I also have qualms about that too. I know, I know…the point of marriage…blah blah blah. But look at the divorce rates now-a-days. Is it wrong of me to say that promising “til death” is also somewhat of a lie? Thing is…the future is out of our control. Promising someone something that ceases to exist as of right now is a lie. It’s like saying, “I’ll give you half of the lottery I win one day.” You may win one day but chances are you won’t and you would have lied to that person.

My theory for my  “Fredding” is this: Promise the man I love TODAY. I will give him this day, this moment, this breath. I will give him what I already have. I will give him love, trust, and respect. And as long as life allows for us to be together, I will be the best version of me for him. I will remain faithful to him as long as we are together. I will make us work because I love him. But I keep in mind that life is fragile, unstable, and always throwing curve balls. I keep in mind that 20 yrs down the road we may be two totally different people who are miserable together. That maybe 30 years down the road we realize that fighting for us isn’t working and we’d be happier apart. Now, some of you are probably shaking your head at this, thinking I am a coward who is afraid of commitment. But that’s not it at all. I am committed to things and people that I love. And so help me God if I ever just give up on those things or people without a fight. But sometimes the fight just doesn’t cut it and you have to surrender.

In saying that, let me point out that my vows to my man on this “fredding day” would be just as solid to me as a signature on paper.

You know, there was a time where marriage was a very different traditional set up. The veil used to actually cover the woman’s face completely so that the soon to be husband could not see it until he removed the veil. In some cultures the parents marry off their daughters, they choose the husband for them. Not every wedding or marriage is the same. So each person has to decide for themselves what they can or are willing to do. Myself, personally, I am willing to stand before my closest friends and family and vow to love this man who stand before me so completely, and to ask my family and friends for their wisdom and experience to help us get through all the good times and bad we will encounter together.

I know this is all crazy talk for some people so let me simply say it like this:

When you make a promise, make sure you can keep it. Love deeply and focus on today because today is all any of us has. If you wake up tomorrow then take great pride in that and continue to love some more tomorrow. But let go of expectations because that is how people get let down. Life is not black and white, things do change, circumstances and people do change. Nothing is forever. But today is beautiful, so live it and be content in it! And remember that something does not have to last forever to be beautiful and memorable.

Til next time!
~Tanya~

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