I’ll Be Happier When I’m A Size 2

Many many years ago, before I had my kids, I was out shopping for new clothes and I came across this really nice pair of grey pinstriped pants. I quickly grabbed the last pair off the rack and headed towards the changing room area.

Much to my pleasure, they fit like a glove!

Up until that day my usual pant size ran at about size 5/6, depending on the brand. But when I checked the size on these pants I was surprised! Size 3. I was overjoyed. I had been working out a lot at the time so Imagine that played a big part!

The funny thing is that after the initial “overjoy” moment, I thought, “Now to get into a size 2!”


I have never managed to actually get there. I can’t even get my leg into a size 2. Not happening. And guess what? It didn’t change a single thing about me or my life not being able to get one size smaller. But in my head I had thought that one size smaller would make me happier.

Here’s the thing, we often confuse happiness with excitement. That feeling we get with a new car, a bigger paycheck, a smaller dress size, another baby, a new job, a new house, ect. is more often than not, excitement. Because happiness has no semicolon.

Excitement is the feeling you get when a goal or milestone is reached. The feeling both kids and adults get when buying something new or going on a new adventure. And just as quickly as it spikes, excitement also dies fast and hard.

Happiness, on the other hand, doesn’t need anything to be felt.


The truth is though, how many of us have said, I’ll be happier when…?

I’ll be happier when I upgrade my cell phone.
I’ll be happier when I have a new car.
I’ll be happier when I have a bigger place to live.
I’ll be happier when I get a pay raise.
I’ll be happier when I get promoted.
I’ll be happier when I reach a new rank.
I’ll be happier when my kids reach the fun age.
I’ll be happier when…
I’ll be happier when….
I’ll be happier when……

No you won’t.

And I’m not saying this because I’m some happiness guru. I’m saying this from experience. I’m saying this because I know a size 2 always ends with, maybe if I just get to a size 1.

A new home always ends with, we should go bigger.
A new car always ends with, I can’t wait for next years model!
And reaching goals & milestones always ends with making new ones.

I’m going to end this by making a point. Rather, a passing thought I had today.

You see, my “size 2” now has changed. I could care less about the size of my jeans. But my reputation, my purpose, is now my size 2.
Years and years ago I wanted a baby SO bad. Everytime I had unprotected sex I would think, this is it! And the day my period was expected to show and was a few hours late, I’d take a test…only to be let down so many times.
Then I had Ryver, my eldest, and I was one happy woman!! Only, a few months later, I wanted another baby.

See where I am going with this?

I thought working from home would make me happy, and when one company didn’t workout (mainly because I wasn’t dedicated), I would hop to another one.
I thought a cute selfie that got 50 likes online would make me happy, and when it happened, I thought, the next one’s gotta be better.

So, passing thought, I’m jumping around here, sorry. Today I thought, how would a big life make me happier?

And the truth is, its all a mirage. There is a reason why so many celebrities who ‘have it all’ are the ones who die of drug overdoses or suicide because of depression. Because having it all doesn’t make you happier. It makes you excited, for awhile. But not happier.

When you realize nothing is lacking, the whole world belongs to you. ~ Lao Tzu

Until next time,

Tanya ❤


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